In Compost We Trust

Performed by Ivan Chan in 2014

(One of these days it'll be broadcast on Youtube)

[serious, deep voice] The following program contains scenes of coarse language, immature subject matter, and influential viewpoints. If… your little ones are not with you, please be forewarned: adults... supervision is advised.

If I’m a permaculturist. So can you.

First is our commitment to the permaculturist triple bottom line:

Earth surface

People service, and

Equitable purpose.


Me? I'm the agroforester type.

Now what… is an agro-forester?

Well, have you herb we're a group of fungi that go berry nuts for fruit?

In order words: we grow roots, shoots, fruits, and shrooms.

What are some traits of these avant garde--ians

Recreating gardens of Edens?


Some say we lean toward being a little cheap and lazy.

[act nonchalant] Scatter some seeds... just let it be!

Sit back with a cold one, and release

The sheep, the cows,

or let the daikon do the bioplow.


Cause no, there’s never any need to weed

Well… it’s been said if our mood’s right

We’ll admit we weed by moonlight

Oh, as for that twitchgrass… I mean um… hay…

Rabbit manure… only 2 days away.


Speaking of plants, what are my plans for that

which is hazardous

is not perishable

yet has a half-life of 20 years?



So how do we invest wisely, build prosperity, bring stability, achieve portfolio diversity...

for that which don't grow on trees?

I’m no prophet, but…

First off, food, water, and community = sanity

Next, liquidate your wallet

Plant your real estate

With RRS-Trees and hedges

against global economic crash, climate collapse, food injustice, and everything else from going bucking first.


Don't forget livestock…

wha… like pork bellies?

No need to fatten up the enforcement agencies.

Speaking of dirt and scum – stirred, not shaken makes a recipe for compost tea

Black gold… now where's that symbol on the Dow Jones?

[hold paper] Hmm. no go for your minor variance?

Let’s consider the permaculture scale of permanence:

for legal structures,

why wait 4 years for a regime turnover?

[throw paper] Just FUCK the permit!

Aquaponic your flush toilet

[sneakily] and stealth compost when you really do soil it!

(pretty much anything but fertilize your toilet)


Cause it's time we take a stand for humanuring.

Or rather, take a seat within your customized privacy settings,

as you unzip and mount the stoop,

just let-er rip to close the nutrient loop

(and urine for some added fertility)

Then wipe the 2-ply and zip up your fly--

--or dress-- your offerings with some wood shavings:

It's the final icing on your retirement savings.

Same goes for kitchen scraps:

just watch your day-olds turn to chicken scratch.


So make your “deposit” a "regular" habit, regulated or not, Yes, things are that dirt simple:

If time is a line, then life is a circle, and nature a perpetual spiral

That naturally regenerates or we would have run out of line fast.

Our generation’s task?

Resolve our past

Receive our calling while

Evolving to reseed the future.

Remember to involve others in style,

delivered with a smile,

cuz that's how good vibes go viral.


And that my friends, is a recipe for all things organic.

It doesn't have to be certified organic.

You don’t need a permaculture design certificate.

We're all legitimate.

And you too can be a permaculturist.